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13 Best Babylon Bee Articles On Homeschooling

You all know the Babylon Bee, but have you caught all of their great articles on homeschoolers?

If not, we’ve rounded up their 13 best articles poking fun at homeschoolers. Make sure you click through to get all of the details!

Kids In Your Community May Be Homeschooled: Know The Warning Signs

This helpful article is not for homeschoolers, but rather those on the outside.

This is a list of 10 easy to recognize warning signs that someone in the neighborhood is homeschooled – presumably so that they can be studied for any strange behavior.

Reason number 8 will give you a sense of what you can expect to find:

“On the girls, the floor-length denim skirts are a dead giveaway. If it’s a boy wearing a denim skirt, then he’s definitely a public-schooler.”

Homeschoolers To Continue Quarantining Themselves From Everything Like Always

All good satire has at least a grain of truth to it, and so yes, quarantines were nothing new to homeschoolers.

There’s just so much learning to be done, why would we ever need to leave home?

Lockdowns have little effect on us, we keep on schooling as always, and thankfully don’t have to have our kids on Zoom all day!

Here is a quote from this enlightening article from the Babylon Bee:

“Most homeschool kids are now currently quarantined but not much has changed, and the majority remain unaware that Coronavirus is a threat or that there is a cartoon television show called The Simpsons.”

Top 5 Reasons To Homeschool Your Kids

There are 1000 reasons to homeschool your children, but in this article, the Babylon Bee has done the hard work of filtering them down to the top 5 reasons.

I’ll partially share one of the top reasons you should homeschool your kids here…

“You’ll get to feel the raw, unadulterated power of being able to shape the minds of future generations coursing through your veins like holy fire.”

Homeschool Family Running Out Of Weird Baby Names From The Bible

Our kid’s are Galilee and Meadow, and they’re not weird names, are they…?

However, as I think of the names of many of the homeschool kids we know, there probably are a higher than average number of those with weird names – especially when compared with the general population.

Some of the names listed in the Babylon Bee article are rather familiar.

A mom calls on her children for suggestions for the new baby’s name:

“Jehosophat! Jeroboam! Jordan! Do you guys have any ideas?”

Ford Introduces 40-Passenger Van: ‘The Homeschooler’

This article introduces us to the new Ford homeschooler bus.

We don’t know of any couples who have had 38 children (besides Michelle Dugger), but perhaps this is so multiple generations can tag along for the ride?

Included with the Ford ‘Homeschooler’ is:

“fun entertainment for the kids, like Latin workbooks and classical Greek epic poems tucked right into the backs of the seats.”

Homeschoolers Relieved Now That Everyone Else Is Just As Socially Awkward As They Are

Now that everyone is homeschooling, this article shares the relief of one family who is glad everyone else is as socially awkward as them (though, really, we all know just as many awkward public schoolers as we do homeschoolers)!

“Now, I can trip all over my own words and it gets completely overlooked!” 

Mom Discussing Homeschooling Wondering How To Make It Clear She Homeschooled Before The Pandemic

This article resonates just a little… you don’t want somebody thinking this is new to you!

“The important thing is that I need to make it clear to each person I talk to that I took the education of my children seriously before a global pandemic forced me to.”

15-Passenger Vans Sold Out Nationwide As Everyone Becomes Homeschool Family

At least there are some benefitting from the pandemic.

This article explains the shortage of 15 seater passenger vans – perhaps the 40 seater was sold out too?

“Now that we’re homeschoolers, we gotta look the part”

Study: Majority Of Homeschoolers Arrive At College Woefully Unprepared For Gender Studies

What can we do about this headline from the Babylon Bee but laugh?

The study discovers that:

“An unprecedented number of poorly educated kids arrive at college actually identifying with their biological sex…”

Homeschool Mom Goes On Brisk Morning Run With 18-Seat Jogging Stroller

I dare say any woman this young and with this many babies wouldn’t be running anywhere, but I guess that’s what makes this news!

The mom states:

“It’s important to spend a little 1-on-18 time with the kids as you go about your day

Homeschool Family’s Van Runs Out Of Window Space For Stick Figure Kids

This article must be about those families who are picking up the 40 seater ‘Homeschooler.’ Wait till they start adding stickers for the grandchildren!

Fred the family patriarch tells the Babylon Bee’s reporter:

“They just don’t make vans like they used to, where you could slap 100 stick figure kids on the window no problem.”

Homeschooled Teen Pretends To Understand Pop Culture Reference

The young man in featured in this article certainly gives an air of knowing what’s being talked about.

We are given some examples and told:

Weisman assumed his ploy had worked and later told his parents he’s integrating nicely with the neighbor kids.

Homeschooled Kid Graduates High School 5 Months Before Birth

And last but not least, this article documents the ordinary account of a homeschooler graduating before birth.

While totally normal to us, this is seen as extraordinary to those who send their kids to public school.

This baby’s mom reveals:

“We were hoping he’d at least get through middle school by the third trimester, of course, but we didn’t want to put any high-pressure expectations on him.”

Homeschool Satire

So those are our 13 favorite articles about homeschoolers from the Babylon Bee.

The surprising might be that these are not simply all of them, there are plenty more. If you haven’t had enough, be sure to head on over to the Bee for all the rest!

If you’re a homeschooler (or even if you’re not), would you like a FREE lesson planner? Check it out and grab it if you want to give it a go!

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